Instant Redemption Is One Click Away

May 18, 2012 9:30 am

The internet is bursting at the seams with instant gratification. If you need five, or ten, or fifty-five minutes away from work, it’s always there waiting, ready to reward your lack of self control with videos of cats, or Justin Bieber, or cats hissing at Justin Bieber. If you think you deserve that constant stimulation […]

The internet is bursting at the seams with instant gratification. If you need five, or ten, or fifty-five minutes away from work, it’s always there waiting, ready to reward your lack of self control with videos of cats, or Justin Bieber, or cats hissing at Justin Bieber.

If you think you deserve that constant stimulation because of all the hard work you haven’ t been putting off today, by all means, continue consuming all your company’s bandwidth and spreading your attention span across twenty unrelated tabs. But if you’re ready to repent for your wayfaring mind, there is only one place on this wild internet that you can turn to.

Introducing the FINNEGANS confessional. We all falter from time to time, but the FINNEGANS Confessional is waiting with pithy affirmations to set you on the right path again. No matter the loathsome thoughts or deeds that have consumed you lately, the gentle and wise Father FINNEGANS will have you feeling redeemed in no time. And if you’ve been to confession before, believe me when I say this penance will go down easier than the usual fare.

Come back as often as you like. The Confessional has no last call, and the Father will offer you redemption even if you’ve been drinking light beer all night.

Here’s to doing good.

Matt Beachey

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